I'll erase and erase love by emptying every drop from my heart.
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Monday, July 27, 2009 @ 7:21 PM
Rize Up Well, I don't know if I should cheer or what. The box for typing is back, back not the buttons for photo upload and font colour. Tsk, making my posts even sadder, since the contents are bad enough. Anyway, was very shocked yesterday to realise that my L1R5 is 28 instead of 22 (L1R4). Seriously, I felt like banging my head against the wall and die for goodness sake. I am not 8 points BUT 14 points away from my 'worst case scenario' result. God, how to reduce the points by half sia, can I just take 1 language and 2 subjects? Siann. Dad did not really scold, but I knew that he was really disappointed. He urged me to study in the afternoon, so that I can sleep earlier at night. But the thing is, I don;t know what the hell is wrong with me! Somehow, I hate to work in the afternoon, as I would feel really warm, irritated and super exhausted. However, I am wide awake at night, but for a short period of time only, 8pm to 1am. And my tv takes up 2 hrs of that already. By then, I am already half-dead. I really wonder if I am stupid or just plain lazy. What makes it so hard for me to be unable to concentrate on studies unlike others? Yeah, so I have given a serious thought and my chances of going to a poly is 70%. I am really not cut out for studies, not to mention stressful JC then Uni. It will kill me man. Everyone said to never give up, as prelims does not matter. But seriously, if they were me, they would find it hard to get motivated. It just turned out this way somehow. The motivation just comes and goes as it liked. I am always doing last-minute revision, and it showed clearly that it is useless. However, it seems like I can never learn from my mistakes until the day that I cry, when I get my 'O' results. It will not be tears of joy, but misery. The struggling within is really tough. I am not sure if I lack the motivation or what. Somehow I just don't wish to study for my sciences anymore. But, its too late to opt for combined, and I have 3 sciences in hand. Hmm, is it really wrong to study the combination that you are not capable of? I am just a normal person I guess, not as smart as I thought myself as. Wake up. Goals for today: 1. Finish EM and AM papers (hopefully) 2. Study for Physics SPA Skill 3 3. Sleep by 1 am latest. I am really worried for Physics and Chem Skill 3. What if it really turned out to be as bad as Bio? 0 marks for each SPA = -6 x 4 = -24 Continue to form the formula and I will realise that I can dream of getting an A1. Worst still, my papers 1 and 2 are bad, so I wanted to depend on SPA to pull up my marks. But right now, I believe it is totally IMPOSSIBLE. Perhaps I'll see for myself in Prelim 2. If I can really get B4 and above for all 3 sciences, then I ought to convince myself that I am not so stupid after all. Jiayou, don't die so young Shihui! |
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