Tuesday, May 26, 2009 @ 9:05 PM
Crazy Did a quiz on Facebook just now, on psychological disorder.
And the great news is that, I have Bipolar disorder:
Bipolar disorder, also known as manic depression, is a psychiatric diagnosis that describes a category of mood disorders defined by the presence of one or more episodes of abnormally elevated mood clinically referred to as mania or, if milder, hypomania. Individuals who experience manic episodes also commonly experience depressive episodes or symptoms, or mixed episodes in which features of both mania and depression are present at the same time. What distinguishes bipolar disorder from unipolar depression is that the affected person also experiences the "highs" of a manic phase. Bipolar disorder has been estimated to affect more than 5 million Americans—about 3 out of every 100 adults.
It's a whole chunk of weird explanation, but this is not the thing that bothers me. The thing is, did I think too much about me having depression or am I really depressed?
I am really puzzled about this.
Are dreams the exact opposite of reality? If that is so, please stop appearing in my dreams.
Sunday, May 24, 2009 @ 9:47 AM
UncertaintyHad Ms Tan's SSP today to go through the papers, and she bought muffins for us!
However, did not eat any as I had no craving for that.
Time passed rather quickly but we ended late.
Was really hungry by then and ran all the way to Mac just to get breakfast in time.
I felt that it was foolish, but it was rather fun. Haha.
After that went to Guan Yin Temple with parents.
Prayed and got a 'Xia Qian'.
I asked about studies and well, relationship.
Then the results was bad.
It said that I cannot make any improvements and had to give up on
something.
Family affairs were unfavourable, and it was true for this.
I had many doubts after knowing about this and I am certainly stubborn about some stuff.
However, if it was meant to be then I have no choice.
Let time decide for me I guess.
Went to Cineleisure to buy Mother's day present, a pair of track shoes that she needed.
If only I had the money, I could have bought this pair for myself=(
But nevermind, since she is the reason for my presence on this earth, I shall forget about that=)
Had dinner at Xin Wang Hong Kong Cafe, super delicious!
The yummy Cheese baked Chicken Chop Rice <3!
Mango 'Mountain' . With the ice cream on top initially. LOL!
Very nice=D
Food is a great remedy!
Is it a sign for me to give up?
Even if it is, I will still stay firm in my decision.
Fate should be in our hands, right?
Friday, May 22, 2009 @ 10:14 PM
简单爱Sports carnival today! And the sun was scorching in early morning.
Never get to play for frisbee, as the game only lasted for 7 mins.
We lost, however, we lost with pride=)
Because, we admit that our opponent, 5n1 was very strong and well prepared.
But, e2 girls really tried their best and that's what that is important.
Carried on playing among ourselves, was fun!
Keying and Koon Leng ran very fast, I saw them getting 1st!
Super proud of them! =D
After that, many of us went to Joo Hou's house to slack our way through!
Played mahjong, watched tv and crapped.
Too bad he lent his Wii to his friend though, I actually looked forward to it!
Felt really tired after that though, probably due to late night on thursday.
Totally restless during the prize giving.
Just don't feel like talking in the beginning.
But after that, joked among ourselves and got really enthusiastic, as we were counting down the no. of pages for the names of the recipients to end.
The concert was alright, and the good news is, Mr Chong shall be giving us merit points!
Around 3-5, because he thought 10 was too much=(
He also dismissed the sec 4s and 5s first as he thought we behaved really well and acted mature! Yeah=D
By the way, was really glad that Cher Peng agreed to start a study group with me!
He can teach me the sciences while I can teach him Maths(hopefully I can).
Well, it's great to have him, such a great and caring friend who approaches you when you are in need.
And well don't he worry, maybe by the end of 'O's I may have more white hair than him, which means that I worked really hard! Heh. I am now once again motivated to work hard, I hope =/
Although today was quite enjoyable, but can't help but feel sad though.
Too emotional on my part. But, I just can't seem to control what I want to see, how my mind is thinking wildly nor how heavy my heart is feeling.
Is what I saw for real?
Although you may have rejected me once, but my heart is still with you.
No matter how many times I have failed, I will carry on trying.
Nothing has ever changed, I just need your acceptance.
So accept me will you? Truly, madly, deeply.
@ 12:45 AM
路...一直都在Nowadays, school is rather uninteresting.
Perhaps because I hated to do SPAs, not to mention doing them independently this time round.
But, slowly should get used to it.
As teachers keep on emphasizing on how little time we have and how many chapters more we have left to cover, felt really hopeless. So little time, yet so many things still undone.
Moreover, Prelims are coming soon, and they are my greatest fear, as after that, it will soon be the 'O's.
Received Physics test today. Should I say that I am happy not getting single digit, like 4.5/50, like the previous test, or should I be sad that I failed yet again?
I realised it seems to be a curse that I cannot break free from. No matter how hard I tried, it still turns out this way everytime.
Mrs Ngiam approached me and we had a talk. She told me that if I really worked hard, then I should not be affected by this test at all, as some questions are really beyond the 'O's standard. However, she said that if I can do the TYS questions, then why can't I do the same for the past 'O's question in this test? What really went wrong? She said that perhaps forming a study group for Physics will be effective, but I think that no one would want to form one with me, judging from my 'wonderful' results. She also said that if I really cannot cope then maybe I can consider to drop one subject. She was really encouraging all this while, telling us not to give up just because we are defeated. And I thank her very much for this, her words do give me strength. =)
I now feel that there's no point in dropping any of the subjects, since I have already come this far. So, what I can do now is to just simply stay attentive and absorb as much information I can.
Most importantly, is to complete all assignments, revise for all tests and to improve on my skills for application questions.
I will not be defeated!
Anyway, back to reality, tomorrow is Sports Carnival.
Look forward to it because we can all wear our class tee tomorrow, officially.
Shall be a reserve for e2 girls in Frisbee. All the best girls! =D
Really lost about how I should spend my time tomorrow after the carnival.
I have from 10am to 2pm to idle around before assembling in school for the prize giving.
After that, there is still more of time wasted, spent on waiting and waiting.
If only in life, we do not need to waste time on waiting for that special someone.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009 @ 9:18 PM
AffectionsThe reality is just so harsh.
Just like a light too bright, blinding my eyes.
I just wish I could never open my eyes, and be in eternal sleep.
Perhaps my brain will then stop wandering around.
My heart will never start beating, stopped the bleeding.
Or should I be without my tear glands, so my tears will never get to fall.
Why must fate be so cruel?
Taking everything I needed from me.
Why not you just return him back to me?
Or maybe he is not mine at all in the first place, but from now can I just be selfish and have him all by myself?
@ 8:48 PM
High SpiritsIntended to go back to school to settle some NP stuff, but was lazy and had something on too.
Was lucky that I never go back too, due to some personal reasons.
Woke up to do a little of Physics, then went to AMK Hub.
Watched 'Angel & Demon', with a big group of e2 peeps!
Including: Yu Cheong, Zi Hui, Erlin, Sheng Hong, Joo Hou, Jun Ying, Hin Wai, Chin How, Jana and Kaymond. Ivan also came for awhile, but went to meet the others to watch the same movie, but at Vivo City though. Hahas. Everyone seemed interested after Ms. Kaur's review on it.
Did not really look forward to watching it, because the advertisement was like rather boring.
But in the end, enjoyed the movie pretty much, there were many twists in the movie!
Afterwards, went to have lunch at the Nebo Cafe.
Played board games there, was rather fun, especially one game, where you have to ask questions to guess the card on your head. Its called Headbenz or something along this line.
Also went to the arcade! It was a long time since I step in there.
Played basketball, time crisis 3 and raced.
Felt really happy afterwards=)
I realised that friends are really important in my life.
They are always the ones who notice that you are sad, and try to crack jokes to cheer you up.
Although they may do things that are silly and makes you embarassed, but they are really wonderful companions. They are also the ones who leave beautiful memories in your life.
Time spent with them is never wasted.
Not forgetting my family members too.=)
It's really great to have them all in my life, making it interesting at times.
And this is the only time I thank fate for giving me something so precious and wonderful=D
It's your imperfections that make you perfect.
@ 9:33 AM
Save meIt's really hard to let go.
How I wish that we could return to the past, where everything would be undone, words unsaid, tears unshed and heart unbroken.
If only I can find the answer.
And there’re so many things that I want you to know
I wont give up till it’s over
If it takes you forever I want you to know
That if you fall, stumble down
I’ll pick you up off the ground
If you lose faith in you
I’ll give you strength to pull through
Tell me you won't give up cause I’ll be waiting if you fall
Oh you know I’ll be there for you
Monday, May 18, 2009 @ 11:46 PM
FreedomFinally, lessons supposedly to be on tomorrow are cancelled!
That's a really great news.
Today also got back my Amaths test result.
38/43! =D
As i said, all the credit goes to Huiting, my super nice and patient peer tutor, or more like my mum!
Was really happy after knowing it.
Went to Tpy central with Yanling after hcl ssp, to KOI Cafe.
Had a taste of what she meant by super duper nice.
But I did not get to drink the milk tea though, which is the speciality I guess.
Blame it on my stomach for being Lactose-intolerant! =(
However, I tried the Plum Green Tea and it was nice!
The pearls are very chewy and the tea has a unique but soothing taste.
Shall get it soon when I am hardworking enough to walk there yah.
Am I that unimportant?
Am I that insignificant?
Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?
Saturday, May 16, 2009 @ 3:49 PM
ChaoticMany busy weeks had past. So many tests to revise for.
Had some family issues with regards to health. But it's all over now.
Good grief, everyone is healthy and jumpy once again.
All the rushing to school, clinics, hospital, all is over.
You have really got to choose the right food to eat, or you will be in deep shit.
Had Physics test yesterday, was a killer once again.
No matter how hard I tried, it still end up the same way.
But never mind, just like what I had told myself,
" Failing once does not mean failure forever."
Working hard!
However, at least I have a consolation, which is my Humanities.
Surprisingly, for this year I have been scoring very well for this, securing at least a B3 for all tests, also not forgetting my precious Amaths. Getting such good Amaths result, all the credit goes to Huiting, my super duper good tutor who is super patient, like my mum like that. Hahas.
Really don't know how to thank her for all those revisions. Still waiting for my previous Amath test, hoping to get an A1 this time round.
Went studying with jie jie yesterday again.
It's really great to have someone who is willing to study with you outside, and keep on motivating you. I really got pretty motivated nowadays to complete my homework and even better, to find time to revise. Sometimes I actually find studying rather relaxing, perhaps because i get to eat, drink and work at the same time, but when I am not at home.
Which means, I have to spend much more money to study, so equals to scrimp and save!
I am now focused to study on fri and wkends!
Oh, I also got my long-awaited backpack and hoody!
Peninsula Plaza really rock for this kind of cheap and good stuff!
Good bargain yah, got to go again soon, provided my wallet is fat.
Shopping is a no-no for now, because I am really broke. =(
Got to go back to school during marking day, which is next tue for chem?
Also on 23 may, sat for a/e maths. My duration for sleeping once again reduced. Tiring
not.
My dear eyebags are seriously so heavy, just like my school bag.
Now it's just around 1 1/2 months to the prelims. Aww shi-te.
Missing