I'll erase and erase love by emptying every drop from my heart.
i'd lie
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I'll erase and erase love by emptying every drop from my heart.
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Friday, July 31, 2009 @ 11:15 PM
Can't let go My 坚持 for a month has been gone to waste. It has been one full month since I have totally let go of him. However, I started to talk to him so naturally. Argh, I just broke the promise to myself. Damn the awards rehearsal, you suck! Yesterday felt really tired and wanted to sleep at 1am. However, many things just kept going through my brain. Ended up listening to songs to coax myself to sleep. Anyway, I began to like 933 fm alot, especially 'Yeah, Yeah, Yeah' by Zhou Chong Qing. He is really funny, but also seems to understand many things, such as affairs of the heart. Listening to him is like a friend giving to you, never leaving you in the lurch. Nowadays, he started to tell love stories near 1am. Seriously love it! Probably because the couple he mentioned seemed sweet, but most importantly, he lets you ponder on questions that you have had before, but never really think deeply for an answer, because you were afraid to. Accepting reality is a tough thing to do. Felt rather great that at least our misunderstandings were cleared. It's good to have a friend 'back'. The weekend has approached, and I am super worried for myself. Many times, I have told myself that I must spend the weekend fruitfully to study. In the end, it is just plenty of time wasted and when school reopens on monday, all I could do was to blame myself and keep saying 'IF only's. My determination is so weak now. Went to cineleisure today once again, to get Huiting's Gundam. Felt really happy that she got the one she wanted, because I was really worried that 'Rapid Culture' may not have the one that she wanted. Had a nice chat, and talked about the usual person. Haha. I will seriously scold him if history repeats itself. Come on, I need peace alright, I HATE it when people disturb me when I am in the midst of doing work. Not once, not twice AND NOT thrice. You have crossed the limit, damn it. I don't even want to plan what I wanted to say, so as to not hurt his dignity or whatsoever. But it seems that he don't get my message when I just 'OI'ed him loudly. Alright, the next time you try again, I will shoot bullets at you. No mercy. Thanks to those who supported me (actually is everyone whom I have consulted), I will do as adviced. I am so damn irritated. It's stupid to start it all over again. The feelings were back, but it lasted for only awhile. Yeah, I am happy not having to think about everything related to you. Monday, July 27, 2009 @ 7:21 PM
Rize Up Well, I don't know if I should cheer or what. The box for typing is back, back not the buttons for photo upload and font colour. Tsk, making my posts even sadder, since the contents are bad enough. Anyway, was very shocked yesterday to realise that my L1R5 is 28 instead of 22 (L1R4). Seriously, I felt like banging my head against the wall and die for goodness sake. I am not 8 points BUT 14 points away from my 'worst case scenario' result. God, how to reduce the points by half sia, can I just take 1 language and 2 subjects? Siann. Dad did not really scold, but I knew that he was really disappointed. He urged me to study in the afternoon, so that I can sleep earlier at night. But the thing is, I don;t know what the hell is wrong with me! Somehow, I hate to work in the afternoon, as I would feel really warm, irritated and super exhausted. However, I am wide awake at night, but for a short period of time only, 8pm to 1am. And my tv takes up 2 hrs of that already. By then, I am already half-dead. I really wonder if I am stupid or just plain lazy. What makes it so hard for me to be unable to concentrate on studies unlike others? Yeah, so I have given a serious thought and my chances of going to a poly is 70%. I am really not cut out for studies, not to mention stressful JC then Uni. It will kill me man. Everyone said to never give up, as prelims does not matter. But seriously, if they were me, they would find it hard to get motivated. It just turned out this way somehow. The motivation just comes and goes as it liked. I am always doing last-minute revision, and it showed clearly that it is useless. However, it seems like I can never learn from my mistakes until the day that I cry, when I get my 'O' results. It will not be tears of joy, but misery. The struggling within is really tough. I am not sure if I lack the motivation or what. Somehow I just don't wish to study for my sciences anymore. But, its too late to opt for combined, and I have 3 sciences in hand. Hmm, is it really wrong to study the combination that you are not capable of? I am just a normal person I guess, not as smart as I thought myself as. Wake up. Goals for today: 1. Finish EM and AM papers (hopefully) 2. Study for Physics SPA Skill 3 3. Sleep by 1 am latest. I am really worried for Physics and Chem Skill 3. What if it really turned out to be as bad as Bio? 0 marks for each SPA = -6 x 4 = -24 Continue to form the formula and I will realise that I can dream of getting an A1. Worst still, my papers 1 and 2 are bad, so I wanted to depend on SPA to pull up my marks. But right now, I believe it is totally IMPOSSIBLE. Perhaps I'll see for myself in Prelim 2. If I can really get B4 and above for all 3 sciences, then I ought to convince myself that I am not so stupid after all. Jiayou, don't die so young Shihui! Friday, July 24, 2009 @ 9:18 PM
Wuss Up OKAY. Blogger has a great great problem. Can someone tell me where all the damn boxes for posting went to? =.= Anyway, went to Heeren today to help Huiting look for disc. HMV rocks! Bought my SS501 magazine (from taiwan i think) @ $11.95. Nevermind, worth it for them. HAHA. Can't bear to read it. Heh. Anyway, today was rather depressing, because the stupid result slip was given out, right before I go shopping. But the lucky thing is, Amath ssp was canceled, I don't know how I were to concentrate if there is one. 2nd last in class, super happy. Anyway, shall work hard. L1R5 = 22. Sad-ed. 8 points lesser then I can get my Ipod touch. Work harder! Anyway, today was overall still alright. Right now exchanging Korean songs with Yanling. Haha. Now my mp3 is FULL of Korean songs. Yeah! Tuesday, July 21, 2009 @ 5:07 PM
Brand New Okay. There is something wrong with my blogger, but i don't know what. Anyway, shall post or else my inspiration will be gone. Yeah, these few days were rather alright. I have thought through everything and decided that dwelling over the lousy results will not get me anywhere. But was not so depressed after knowing that I did pass my Bio and Chem, but it is exactly 50%. Anyway, i think i only have 96 days more to prepare? Yeah, it's 2 digits already. + point = can work and earn money! - point = less than 3.5 months and here comes the exams, more STRESS. I hope i am at least getting into the mood to study, cutting down com and tv duration and doing hw everyday. I don't want my hard work (if any) to go to waste. Although i may have been thinking: So what if i work hard? I still get the bad results anyway, why bother to even try then. However, i realised, it may still be be bad, but it will be worse if i don't even study. That's why i am depressed when i received prelim 1 results, because i knew it myself that i had not worked hard at all, having all last minute revision does not help much. Yup, so it all starts now! Shall be quitting mafia and youtubing SS501 videos soon, will be busy studying. But i want to watch 'Murderer'! LOL. Yeah, keep the fire burning [positively] ! =) Jiayous! ^^ Thursday, July 16, 2009 @ 3:50 PM
Suicidal Pfft! What are prelim results? They are just digits that make you sad and pissed off. Further elaboration = more pissing off. Maybe I will only post the remarkable results when I am emotionally stable. An apple and a bread = lunch for today. If only fats disappear in the speed of light. To be done: Chem paper x 1.5 Practise Am More mafia and bejeweled Amaths SSP tomorrow afternoon. A joy or suffering. It's time to be pushed I guess. Tuesday, July 14, 2009 @ 9:50 PM
You are my heaven Had last 2 papers today! Finally all over, hooray! Bio was alright, Phy was totally not alright. After papers went to AMK Hub with Zinc, Corrine and Yanling for Mosburger Lunch. Then also shopped around. But, still can't find SS501's CD! Then, only me and Yanling went to Bugis, the other 2 too lazy. Hahas. Shopped around at street first, saw Hyunjoong-look alike-hoodie-shirt! But I did not have enough money to buy =( SUPER SAD! Argh, I told mummy to bring me there on sat. Bought 2 'toy' necklaces at $13 and I was totally bankrupt with only $0.97 left. Still owe Yanling $1 somemore. Proceeded to junction, and got stopped by a guy. He asked if we wanted to get out hair cut free. We didn't want to at first, because we decided to let our hair grow long. But, we still went. Haha. My hairstylist is Roger and I don't know the guy who helped Yanling cut. Took an hr, however, the results were more than satisfactory! We loved it, although mine did not make much of a difference. Yeah man, Toni&Guy is the one for me! I make sure I earn lots of money just to get a haircut there after graduation! =) And, I will make sure I can go to SS501's concert! xD Ohh yah, we also saw Lin Jun Jie while crossing the road from street to junction on the way home. I even had eye contact with him for 3 seconds! Haha When will my dear contacts arrive? ^^ Neon naegeh haengbogeul gajyeodajun naui cheon guk --You bring me my happiness just like heaven Friday, July 10, 2009 @ 1:41 PM
Deja Vu Yeah! At last, only left 4 papers in total. 3 papers for Science MCQ and 1 EM paper 2. Don't need mention about Chem and Amath paper 2, were bad enough. Today was Bio and just before the paper starts, Mr Chong still walked to me and say " Fail by 1 mark do 1 detention. " LOL! I already lack confidence now became 0 confidence. Expected a killer paper, but it was actually pretty okay, but not a sure-pass. Bad thing is, I never focus much on Nervous system and Plant reproduction. And the question emphasized on it. So just tried crapping around, hope can get marks awarded. Now is relaxation for 2 days! Have to go back to studying on Sun for Emath p2 and Chem p1. Hmm, I think now is time for ' We Got Married' or some show. Anyway, 'WGM' is a highly recommended show, especially the episodes on Hyun Joong and Hwang Bo. Must watch! =D Friday, July 3, 2009 @ 10:19 PM
Unwell =/ Today was a total failure=( Did really badly for Amath, so disappointed in myself. For Physics, due to lack of preparation, surely fail. No one to blame but myself, not studying enough. Nevermind, I shall work hard for paper 1 and prelim 2! Had lunch at Pasta mania with Yanling, Tzin yi and Boon Kiat. Was not very hungry, so shared a 10inch Sesame Corainder(?) Chicken pizza with Yanling. After that went to Cathay Cineleisure to shop and punch my havaiana flip flop. Now is both sides of flip flops bling-bling. Hahas. Watched 'Threads of Destiny' and it was not that good. Was not what I expected to be, because the storyline was pretty bad. Over-realistic and the ending was damn bad! " If we were meant to be, then we will meet again." Then, " TO BE CONTINUED". Like wth! I was expected them to reconcile back again and hug. LOL. Anyway, I bet Koizora [Sky of Love] was so far the best movie I have ever watched! It never fails to let your tears drop. Yup, a super nice movie, very sweet couple. But, Hiro died and Mika was left alone with wonderful memories of him. Took an hour to reach home! Don't know what is wrong with 162 today. Fell asleep and knocked into the lady beside me thrice! Then I was like very paiseh lor, kept awake for the rest of the journey. Felt rather feverish ever since dinner, but body temperature is 37.1 degrees, so should be same. Although the next paper starts on wed, I can't afford to fall sick, not now! Yeah, today will be slacking and it will be stay-home sat tomorrow! =) Does fate really exist? Thursday, July 2, 2009 @ 3:06 PM
The one Well, all the papers were pretty okay. At least I can say they are a sure pass for now. Went to popular with Yanling yesterday to buy some stuff. Then we saw a very cute cuboid puzzle thing, then we dismantled it to play. We were saying how easy it was, but we took a long time to solve it! Simple looking but not that easy. Hahas. Then we die die want to solve it before we can go. As soon as I said that, we solved it! Woah, was damn happy. Wanted to post the picture, but it won't appear. Nevermind then. She also introduced the songs of SS501 to me. "Baby, neoman saranghae..." Thought they were quite okay at first, but now loved them! I realised I am very into korean songs. LOL! =D Got to study for Amaths and Physics already. Can't wait to watch 'Thread of Destiny' after tomorrow's papers. Woo! byebye=) |