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I'll erase and erase love by emptying every drop from my heart.
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Sunday, October 18, 2009 @ 11:51 PM
All I ever wanted Sometimes I really wonder exactly what parents expect and want from their children. Sometimes I felt that I understand what they are thinking and feel, but there are moments when I felt as if I don't understand them at all, as if we are complete strangers. Although I know that they care about me, not wanting me to spend too much time travelling to and fro SCC and my home. However, it seems that they don't know the reason behind my trip to SCC. It is not because I don't like to stay at home, like to hang outside with friends or whatever, I simply wanted to find a conducive environment to study in, so as to produce the results that I know they would be happy about. In the past, whenever I sit in front of the com and the television, they will scold. Right now, even when I am trying to put effort into studying, they want in butt in again. They really don't understand what I am trying to bring across to them. I am doing all this because of them and also because of my own future. Yet this is the reward I get from them, nothing but accusation. I seriously hate it when I am being misunderstood. Just because of such a small matter would start an argument again. I thought that as I grew up, I will be more mature and handle things better. However, it seems that I screwed up things badly instead. I rather not grow up.Next, an issue that I have kept to myself, and have been trying to resolve it, which is their trip to Korea. It was all planned and said that I would be able to join them on the trip to Korea. But guess what, there was a change in plan. There is no way I am going to Korea and instead, I shall be stuck in Singapore by myself as they enjoy their wonderful trip. When they asked me about whether to let them go to Vietnam or Korea by themselves, through the phone, I asked them to go to Korea, because I think it would be much better there. Although I am damn unwilling to let them go by themselves, at least it is better than wasting another sum of money to go to Vietnam then wait till after my 'O's then all of us go tgt, when in the first place they are interested to go Korea. Mum still keep asking if it was okay for me. Obviously it is not okay right? But what can I do other than to agree? You guys are the ones who will pay for the air tickets, not me. Yet you keep repeating your question again and again. I was already upset and on the verge of crying already, because I really want to go to Korea badly. I seriously feel like throwing my phone down and not give a damn can. I really hate it when you guys promised and did not fulfil what you have said okay. If that is the case, don't even make the promise in the first place and break it in the end. You will just end up losing my trust. Somemore, the date is when my 'O's just started, the period that I felt that I would need them to be there to encourage me the most. Yet, where were you? And what is the reason for going before my 'O's ended? Because they wanted to see the spring autumn or whatever leaves that will not be available after my 'O's, as by then it will be winter already. But I thought it will be a good chance to experience winter too, as it would be rare, somemore the scenery in Korea would be very nice. In the end, why don't want? Because winter very troublesome, need to bring many things and wear many layers of clothes. THEN, why travel overseas in the first place?! "Next time you want then you go after you start working lor, or you go with your husband larh. We also old already, you think we have so much time to wait to go meh?" Woah seriously, WTH. The first and the last time I went overseas with you guys was when I was 3 years old. How would I remember can? Then now, I want to make use of this chance to go with you and to create more memories, all these things are what I get in return. I shouldn't have thought of that in the first place, since they are selfish themselves. So when I finally get rid of my unhappiness over this issue, and hope that you will enjoy your trip, despite your constant conversations about this trip that made me feel so uncomfortable and bear with them, you cause so much more anger in me that I can't take it anymore and want to vent my anger here. The truth is, I never wanted to blog about all these. But I really can't take it anymore. All I ever wanted is for you to care about me and be proud of my achievements, is it really that hard to be gained? Sometimes I wished that I never existed. Maybe 2nd bro should be the last child that you have, so I may not need to suffer all these misery.These words that came out of my very mouth hurt me more than you would even have felt, because I disliked myself being this way more than you do. Sorry to people who have came across this long chain of nagging. If you think it was a time reading, I apologise. But, it is a good way for me to vent my anger, or else I would have suffocated to death.
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Sunday, October 18, 2009 @ 11:51 PM
All I ever wanted Sometimes I really wonder exactly what parents expect and want from their children. Sometimes I felt that I understand what they are thinking and feel, but there are moments when I felt as if I don't understand them at all, as if we are complete strangers. Although I know that they care about me, not wanting me to spend too much time travelling to and fro SCC and my home. However, it seems that they don't know the reason behind my trip to SCC. It is not because I don't like to stay at home, like to hang outside with friends or whatever, I simply wanted to find a conducive environment to study in, so as to produce the results that I know they would be happy about. In the past, whenever I sit in front of the com and the television, they will scold. Right now, even when I am trying to put effort into studying, they want in butt in again. They really don't understand what I am trying to bring across to them. I am doing all this because of them and also because of my own future. Yet this is the reward I get from them, nothing but accusation. I seriously hate it when I am being misunderstood. Just because of such a small matter would start an argument again. I thought that as I grew up, I will be more mature and handle things better. However, it seems that I screwed up things badly instead. I rather not grow up.Next, an issue that I have kept to myself, and have been trying to resolve it, which is their trip to Korea. It was all planned and said that I would be able to join them on the trip to Korea. But guess what, there was a change in plan. There is no way I am going to Korea and instead, I shall be stuck in Singapore by myself as they enjoy their wonderful trip. When they asked me about whether to let them go to Vietnam or Korea by themselves, through the phone, I asked them to go to Korea, because I think it would be much better there. Although I am damn unwilling to let them go by themselves, at least it is better than wasting another sum of money to go to Vietnam then wait till after my 'O's then all of us go tgt, when in the first place they are interested to go Korea. Mum still keep asking if it was okay for me. Obviously it is not okay right? But what can I do other than to agree? You guys are the ones who will pay for the air tickets, not me. Yet you keep repeating your question again and again. I was already upset and on the verge of crying already, because I really want to go to Korea badly. I seriously feel like throwing my phone down and not give a damn can. I really hate it when you guys promised and did not fulfil what you have said okay. If that is the case, don't even make the promise in the first place and break it in the end. You will just end up losing my trust. Somemore, the date is when my 'O's just started, the period that I felt that I would need them to be there to encourage me the most. Yet, where were you? And what is the reason for going before my 'O's ended? Because they wanted to see the spring autumn or whatever leaves that will not be available after my 'O's, as by then it will be winter already. But I thought it will be a good chance to experience winter too, as it would be rare, somemore the scenery in Korea would be very nice. In the end, why don't want? Because winter very troublesome, need to bring many things and wear many layers of clothes. THEN, why travel overseas in the first place?! "Next time you want then you go after you start working lor, or you go with your husband larh. We also old already, you think we have so much time to wait to go meh?" Woah seriously, WTH. The first and the last time I went overseas with you guys was when I was 3 years old. How would I remember can? Then now, I want to make use of this chance to go with you and to create more memories, all these things are what I get in return. I shouldn't have thought of that in the first place, since they are selfish themselves. So when I finally get rid of my unhappiness over this issue, and hope that you will enjoy your trip, despite your constant conversations about this trip that made me feel so uncomfortable and bear with them, you cause so much more anger in me that I can't take it anymore and want to vent my anger here. The truth is, I never wanted to blog about all these. But I really can't take it anymore. All I ever wanted is for you to care about me and be proud of my achievements, is it really that hard to be gained? Sometimes I wished that I never existed. Maybe 2nd bro should be the last child that you have, so I may not need to suffer all these misery.These words that came out of my very mouth hurt me more than you would even have felt, because I disliked myself being this way more than you do. Sorry to people who have came across this long chain of nagging. If you think it was a time reading, I apologise. But, it is a good way for me to vent my anger, or else I would have suffocated to death.
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LOWshihui
06/04/93; Aries
ZHSS 2E6;4E2`o9 NP/Accountancy
♥ DBSK ♥
♥ SS501
♥ Kim Hyun Joong (SS501)
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